OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize