Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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