oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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