It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
