This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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