my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
