why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
