1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
