Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
