i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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