Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
