I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
