Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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