similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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