I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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