Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
