he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
