covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
