The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
