Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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