he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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