"it" just moved
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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