If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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