we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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