It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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