I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize