Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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