If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How external is "for external use only"?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
