I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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