Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
