Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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