what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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