Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
