Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
