ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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