I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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