News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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