i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
