Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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