Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
