Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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