i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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