Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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