My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
