i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
