roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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