We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
