what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
