I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
