We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
