he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
