Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
