just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
