My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
