We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would ride that face into the sunset
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
