It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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