im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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