Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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