im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
