I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
