did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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