# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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