yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
