when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
