I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
