Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
