I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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