I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
