My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
