My friends, they love my intelligence
You smell like stripper and shame
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
