Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
