38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
