you traded sex for a burrito?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are leaves in my underwear?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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